A Rambling Post / Jealousy schmelousy. Worrier Schmurier.

I have been gone from this wonderful blogging world for a while now, but believe me, it was not intentional! The best part of my day is writing these things!

My excuse?

I was on vacation last week. I had such big plans of writing daily posts (in a really fun, story book kind of way), but quickly discovered that typing long posts on a tiny little smart phone is absolutely miserable.  

**Warning: I am about to ramble** 

So anyway, recently I've noticed how incredibly jealous-minded/worried/stressed I am. It's annoying, and terrible, but I'm sure everyone has similarish thoughts. So, here are my most popular:

I'm jealous of...

…people who sincerely love their job.

…people who have zero student loans.

…women who are lucky enough to never get stretch marks--I’ve never even been pregnant, but you can bet your bottom dollar that those ugly white marks are on these thunder thighs of mine.

…people with babies--I would give anything to have seven right now.

…couples who (appear to) have the perfect relationship.

…women who eat tons, exercise none, and are still skinny.

…Taylor Swift and her 17 million dollar mansion.

…all homeowners (not just mansion owners). 

And, when I start thinking of all the things I don't have, or in some cases, the things that I do have (stretch marks and extra weight), my mood goes straight down the drain. Straight down an unclogged, recently Drainoed drain.

It's annoying.

 

What's more annoying? I'm a worrier. And, of course, some of these things have been keeping me up at night. This is a typical conversation in my mind while trying to fall asleep at night:

“I DO NOT want to go to work tomorrow. Seriously, my life sucks. I wonder if I could quit tomorrow and live off of my savings for a while…**at this point, I would do some math in my head—savings, minus monthly car payments, minus monthly student loan payments, plus the vacation payout I would receive, plus my last paycheck, etc.** …okay I’d survive for a few months (if I'm lucky). Ug, but seriously Andi, the real question is why the heck did you eat so much today?! You know once you have one cookie you'll end up eating thirteen--why did you do that to yourself? ...okay, I guess it's not that big of a deal...as long as all I have tomorrow is coffee and water. But not Starbucks coffee. Good god no, that stuff is expensive! Do you want to be reminded of your student loan balance? And really, the less coffee you drink, the more savings you have, and the sooner you can quit your job. Speaking of jobs...why hasn't anyone responded to me yet!? Didn't they get my resume? Should I resend it? Or maybe I should just call them tomorrow. Ug...tomorrow...I DO NOT want to go to work tomorrow!" 

And the cycle continues. And yes, I talk to myself and as myself during these nightly sessions. Last night, after an hour of these jumbled thoughts, I took a sleeping pill. I had to.

Gosh, I wish life was perfect. And holy crapload, I wish I didn't worry so much. 

That's all...I need to get started on this worrying thing if I want to get to bed at a decent hour!